


Loser Does Clean Up

by Diary



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 01, Background Relationships, Bechdel Test Fail, Bisexual Grant Ward, Bisexual Male Character, Canon Character of Color, Conversations, Introspection, Minor John Garrett/Grant Ward, Morally Ambiguous Character, POV Bisexual Character, POV Grant Ward, POV Male Character, Past Mind Control, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 15:50:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17490842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: AU. May and Grant talk about what Lorelei did to him and his relationship with Garrett. Complete.





	Loser Does Clean Up

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Looking up from his game of solitaire, Grant nods when May walks in. “Coulson call?”

“He’s dragged them to a nearby fair.”

“Sorry I’m not there. Want to play? Loser gets to do clean up.”

“What’s the worse that could happen?” She sits down. “If they get thrown in jail, I’ll wire money to get Fitzsimmons out.”

“Neither of them is legally qualified to drive in America,” he points out.

She shrugs. “I’ll send extra money for a cab. Finish your game.”

He resumes playing. “Something else on your mind?”

“You should call Agent Garrett.”

Uneasiness settles through him. “It’d be a bad idea for anyone to wire him bail money. He once made a joke about Fury sending a memo directing everyone to decline if he tried calling collect from any American jail, only, I’m not sure how much of a joke it actually was.”

Her look is vaguely challenging.

“Look, if John did or said something-”

“I respect the fact you aren’t talking to me or the others about it. This doesn’t change the fact, eventually, you need to face what Lorelei did to you. It was horrible in ways going past the anger you’re still dealing with from the staff. It takes time to process such things. Whether you can ever fully get over it is- debatable.”

He doesn’t know what to do about the fact he can literally feel the sadness suddenly radiating from her.

“I had to make a hard call once. People wanted to help me. Coulson was one of them. He couldn’t. But maybe your John Garrett could you.”

Setting the cards down, he forces himself to look at her.

John respects her talents, but he was dismissive of her overall threat level. ‘Don’t get on her bad side,’ had been the gist of what he’d said.

Ever since he met her, he knew it wouldn’t be that simple, but now, he- he’s regretting almost everything.

She raises an eyebrow.

“I’ve never cheated.”

Scoffing, she nods. “If I thought otherwise, this conversation wouldn’t be as personable on my end.”

John might hurt him for this, but- “I was twenty-five. Tony Stark announced, ‘I am Iron Man,’ on national television, Thor landed on Earth, and Captain America was unfrozen. You ever have a moment where you- I remember, he clasped my shoulder and commented, ‘It’s a brave new world.’ And I knew it could end badly, but I made the move I’d been wanting to make since I was seventeen.”

Something close to a smile flits across her face. “Do you think he wouldn’t understand?”

He doesn’t know, is the best answer he could give.

If Lorelei can’t affect gay men, John would have been safe. If she could, he doesn’t think the non-consensual sex so much as the simple fact of complete loss of control would bother John. John once said something about eating his gun if something like what Loki did to Barton ever happened to him (John).

He's never asked if John blames Barton.

The question of, If she'd asked the right questions and he'd ended up revealing himself and John's mission, would John have blamed him? is there.

Other than this- most of what she did is a blur to him, but he still tenses at the friendly touches of the others. He still wakes up hard and coming close to throwing up at the feeling of it.

May was a choice. She’s amazing, he wasn’t scheduled to see John for a long time, and he could see how it would help his cover. If she ever finds out what he’s done, she’ll hate him, but it won’t break anything in her the way it would Skye. He knows it wouldn’t break Skye, either, but some of the insistent optimism she tries to hide behind sarcastic, cynical comments, her gentleness wrapped in humour, all that, some of it would go away and never come back.

Lorelei wasn’t.

There’ve been other people besides May, and with some of them, it was fun, but the only person he’s ever truly, deeply wanted was John.

Everything had been better when John was on the bus. Being touched by him, just being near him, it’d temporarily banished what Lorelei did to the very back.

“Agent Garrett is a fighter above anything,” May announces. “If he cares about you half as much as you do him, he’s not going to back down from the challenges this would bring.”

Like Coulson didn’t back down years ago, almost comes out of his mouth.

Aside from the fact that wouldn’t end well for him, he doesn’t want to strike at her where it might genuinely hurt. For all she tries to hide it, this conversation right now is proof she’s isn’t completely cold, uncaring, and one to always place duty above anything else.

Not many people get to see this, and he has some idea why Coulson still hopes to see more of the person he used to know.

“I’m not sure he does.”

He can’t take the words back, and so, he goes back to shuffling the cards. “I owe him everything. And he doesn’t see it like that. He expects me to be a good agent, an asset to the organisation he’s devoted most of his life to. Otherwise, well, if I hadn’t made my move back then-” He shrugs.

Her touch causes him to flinch.

“You can’t go on like this, Ward. Call him, request leave to talk to a therapist, do something.”

Taking a breath, he nods. “Don’t worry. Once this Clairvoyant issue is dealt with, I’ll have some time.”

Hopefully, he reflects, this will be in the form of him requesting time from Coulson with his cover still intact.

Nodding, she looks at the cards. “Do you want to play, or would you rather be left alone?”

“Starting to realise what clean up duty might actually entail?”

A definite flicker of amusement crosses her face.

“Ladies’ choice,” he offers.

“66 sounds good.”

He begins dealing.


End file.
